Chasin' A Butterfly    One Shot
by mrsgunsage
Summary: With his relationship in shambles, and hateful words he can't take back echoing in his head, Edward has a dream he can't shake.     He writes a song about his profound change of heart, but is it too little, too late?


I was idly strumming my guitar, thinking back over the events of the day, and hating myself for the ultimatum I'd thrown down earlier. I couldn't retract it, but hearing the quiet sobs coming from behind the locked door of what used to be our bedroom was killing me.

She'd called me a heartless, selfish bastard, and I couldn't find it anywhere within myself to disagree with her assessment. I'd always known she would eventually run screaming from me, but I never thought this would be why. I said horrific, untrue things to her in a fit of rage and terror. I said horrific, untrue things that I could never take back… not that she would give me a chance to try. She already made it clear she wasn't coming home if I insisted on this.

My fingers fell into a steady rhythm that matched my melancholy frame of mind as I let the conversation that ripped my entire world to shreds replay in my memory.

"_I'm late, Edward."_

"_Shouldn't you get going… wait, you don't have class on Thursday."_

"_No. I'm LATE. I bought a test last night on the way home, but I wanted to tell you before I took it."_

I set my guitar aside. My harsh words to her were echoing in my head and preventing me from finding solace in the strings of the instrument. I walked towards the locked door, praying for an absolution I knew would never be forthcoming. I had just raised my hand to knock when I heard the muffled sound of her phone ringing.

"Alice, did you get my text? No, I'm not fucking kidding you… Yeah, he set it all up. I don't know, some friend of his dad's. Dr. Volturi, I think… According to him, I'm not the first… No, I don't really have a choice unless I want to be labeled as the gold digger out to trap the man-whore of the Masen family."

I wanted to punch myself in the face, let Jasper slam my head into a wall a few times, and then let Alice take her spiky heels to my nuts. What I had said in anger was being taken as literal truth now. A few more broken sobs came through the door, accompanied by the sound of things being shuffled around.

"Just… be there, OK? I won't be able to drive myself to your place, I can't leave alone and I will not leave with him. I'll leave my keys under the mat so the guys can get my stuff and pick up my truck while he's at class tomorrow. No, you won't have to see him. His role in this is strictly financial. Ironic after all the times I refused to let him waste his money on me, isn't it? Why would he want to stay with me during this? Even if he offered, I couldn't stomach the sight of him."

I slid down the wall silently, not wanting to let her know I was hearing her cry. She'd sworn to me before she locked herself in to pack that she would never shed another tear over my worthless ass, and I wanted her to be able to hold on to some of her pride since I had so thoroughly shattered everything else about her. I would never forget the dead look in her eyes as she'd brushed past me to start gathering her belongings. More of the hateful things I'd said to elicit that response began running through my head.

"_You've never failed a test before, and you'd better not start with this one, Bella."_

"_This isn't a pass/fail situation, Edward; this is a child we're talking about."_

_She took the test… and failed it._

I heard the bed springs creak lightly. I could imagine the concentration on her face as she listened to Alice. The way her lower lip would be caught in her teeth and her brow wrinkled as her best friend tried to convince her to leave me now. I hoped she would. I wouldn't fight her if she did, but I knew the awful things I had shouted at her earlier would prevent it.

"_You aren't the first woman to try and use her body to get hold of my parents' money, Bella. As regular as you always are, I bet you knew down to the minute when you were going to ovulate."_

"_You think I planned this?"_

"_Like I said, you wouldn't be the first to try this."_

"_You heartless, selfish bastard! You were the one who refused to keep using the condoms, not me! I told you my new pill was making things weird and I didn't completely trust it, but YOU didn't want to have to wrap it up until I could get them changed!"_

"_Be that as it may…"_

"_If you don't want a baby we can put it up for adoption. Your lawyers can arrange it so your name isn't even involved since we're not married. Rose and Em would sign whatever documents your family wanted just to have a shot at a baby, you know that!"_

"_I don't care."_

Bella's older sister Rosalie had undergone a hysterectomy when her routine yearly appointment turned up uterine cancer several years ago. Thankfully, it was caught fairly early and her health was no longer an issue. She and her husband Emmett were desperate to adopt, but unable to afford it right now because of the financial toll her illness had taken on them. They would literally sign away their souls to be allowed to raise Bella's child.

I heard her sigh, and the springs creaked again as she stood up.

"I tried begging him to arrange it through his lawyers to let Rose and Em adopt it for me. You know they wouldn't ask his family for a fucking penny for any reason. Ali, I literally got on my knees and begged him to sign away parental rights. I told him I would go back to Washington and he'd never have to see me or the baby. He thinks that's a ruse so I can hit him for a huge child support payment like that girl did to his brother. I wish I could, but if I walk out of here tonight he'll fight me for custody. I could never leave my child with him knowing what a worthless piece of shit he really is. Even if Charlie and Renee emptied their 401k's and IRA's I couldn't beat the Masen's army of lawyers."

"_I will sign whatever they want, Edward. I don't want your fucking money, I never have! I'll go home to Washington and you'll never have to see either of us!"_

"_Until you have to go on some form of assistance and they require the name of the father. College dropout, in a bad economy, you'll get an order for child support within 6 months."_

"_I won't! Sign away your parental rights to me, and then I couldn't even if I wanted to!"_

"_Right… like I haven't heard that one before, Bella. That is exactly what Leah Clearwater said to Jacob before she hit him with a substantial child support order… but then you already knew that. My parents tried to warn me you were just like her."_

"_I'm nothing like her, Edward! I just want to give my child a life!"_

"_With my family's money! I will NOT be the instrument used by a greedy social climber to extort my parents! If you walk out of here tonight, I swear to you that I will fight you for custody. I will make you out to be the biggest crack whore on campus and you know I'd be able to find men willing to swear to it for the right amount. You won't even get supervised visitations."_

I ran my hands over my face roughly and pulled my knees up to my chest. The initial shock had finally worn off, but the words could never be erased. I knew in every fiber of my being that Bella wasn't anything like Leah, but she would never believe me if I told her that now. I loved her beyond reason, and I lost her due to my own selfishness and stupidity.

"Look, Ali I have to go finish packing. No, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to come over. He's here as far as I know. No, I locked him out."

Another strangled cry sounded from behind the door, and I felt the pain all the way to the very depths of my soul. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much worse it was for her right now.

"No, I will not be OK. Alice, for the rest of my days I will never forgive myself for this. I will spend every moment knowing my own child's blood is on my hands. I will hate myself for eternity, and I will never forgive him for putting me in this position."

I dragged myself back to the couch she had tossed my pillow onto before barricading herself behind the bedroom door. It was already 9:00pm and the appointment I had scheduled with Aro was at 8:00am. I set the alarm on my cell for 7:00 and turned off the lamp. I lay in the dark, watching the strip of light under the door that separated me from Bella. I could see the shadow of her moving around and occasionally hear thuds as she tossed her things around.

I opened my eyes when the sunlight behind them became blinding, but instead of seeing my apartment I realized I was in a meadow. I jumped to my feet, wondering if Bella had some of her friends drug me and drag me out of the city so she would have time to run… but then I recognized my surroundings. I looked around in confusion, wondering how in the Hell I had gotten to my uncle's summer house in Maine. This meadow was in the woods that surrounded his property, and I'd spent countless hours there with Jake and our cousin Riley when we visited.

I realized I must be dreaming and smiled. I had nothing but good memories of this place; it had always been full of laughter and the fun summer adventures of young boys. Even though it was late November in reality, my meadow was in full July glory with knee high grass and colorful wildflowers growing in profusion.

I heard a giggle and looked toward the sound, smiling wider when I saw a small child of maybe four years darting after a butterfly. I idly wondered if I was seeing myself as a child because I was staring at a miniature version of my unruly copper curls. The butterfly eluded the small, grasping hands and flitted over the child's head right towards me. I gasped in shock when the child turned to pursue because I was looking directly into Bella's wide chocolate eyes set into what was an almost exact copy of my face.

I dropped to my knees and the butterfly landed on my shoulder. The child smiled and I felt a sob shake my chest as I recognized the crooked, shit-eating grin on his little face. He looked at me for a moment, and then stepped closer to peer intently at the colorful insect that was still sitting on me. I reached a trembling hand toward him but the butterfly took off and he grinned at me again before turning to chase it, his laughter echoing brightly through the small clearing.

I saw movement ahead of me and to the left and turned to see Aro Volturi stepping into the clearing. There was an unpleasant smile on his pinched face that made me distinctly uneasy. His dark suit and coal black hair looked ominous against the natural beauty of the meadow, and there was a predatory look on his face as he stared at the child. _My child_, I finally admitted to myself.

I stood just as Aro reached his palm out and the butterfly lightly landed on him. His smile widened until it almost looked like he was baring fangs. Aro lowered his hand so my child could once again tiptoe close enough to see the insect up close, wonder and delight probably shining in his brown eyes as it had when he'd stepped closer to me.

I started toward them, feeling a pressing need to get my child away from Aro. He grinned evilly at me as his free hand clamped around the boy's small arm and his other hand snapped closed destroying the delicate butterfly. I heard a small whimper of pain and a quiet whisper of _Daddy_ before Aro turned and disappeared into the forest, taking my son with him.

I started running, desperate to catch them. "Aro! Stop! Don't hurt him, please!"

I heard him chuckle from somewhere ahead of me. "Don't worry, Edward. It will be as if he never existed."

I started running again. It was getting dark and I was tripping more than moving forward now, but I couldn't stop. I kept going when branches tore at me and roots sent me sprawling in the dirt, until it was so dark I couldn't tell which way I was going let alone where I came from. I curled into a ball on the forest floor and cried out again, knowing it was useless.

"Please, don't hurt him! Please!"

I was sobbing inconsolably when I jolted at the feel of a gentle hand in my hair and jerked myself into a sitting position. My frantic eyes darted around for any glimpse of my son, but I realized almost immediately I was in my apartment. I looked down to see Bella sitting on the floor next to the sofa. Her eyes were swollen from crying and dead looking, but instead of hatred I saw concern on her face.

"Oh God, I was dreaming. It was a dream."

Her dispirited eyes met mine and a humorless smile graced her face for a second. "You're still dreaming, Edward. Wake up."

I sat bolt upright on the sofa with tears streaming down my face and my breath tearing harshly through my lungs. I looked downwards, but there was no concerned Bella this time. A look toward the bedroom confirmed the door was still firmly shut, but there was no strip of light showing now. She had finally cried herself to sleep.

I grabbed myself a beer and tried to shake the dream, but it wouldn't leave me alone. The sad melody I had been picking on my guitar came back to me and started mixing with the dream. I tried to forcefully repress both until I was well into my third beer, then I gave up and grabbed a pen.

I sat on the couch with my composition notebook, my beer, and my guitar working like a man possessed for about an hour before I heard a quiet noise behind me. I knew it was Bella, but I pretended not to know she was there as I started quietly singing what I had already completed.

_She took the test and failed it. We blamed each other for awhile. _

_All our big plans had no little ones in 'em. We just weren't ready for a child. _

_So we set the alarm for seven, there's a place right down the street. _

_It was a night like any other night, but when I fell asleep…_

_I saw his face he had my eyes, I swear he had your smile… chasin' a butterfly. _

_He laughed and skipped and caught it, softly placed it in my hands. _

_He said, "Please, don't kill the butterfly."_

_Well I woke up kinda shaken, tried not to wake her from her sleep._

I laid the guitar back across my knees, stuck for where to go next. I was tugging at my hair when I heard her behind me.

"I had that same dream, but I didn't wake up screaming from mine. What happened in yours, Edward?"

Her soft voice triggered something in me, and I motioned for her to give me one minute while I scribbled the lines I needed into the composition then grabbed my guitar to make sure it sounded right out loud.

_And then she quietly whispered, "I just had this dream"…_

_I saw his face he had your eyes, I swear he had my smile… chasin' a butterfly._

_He laughed and skipped and caught it, softly placed it in my hands._

_And he said, "Please, don't kill the butterfly."_

My voice broke when I felt her soft hand on my shoulder and the tears started again. Instead of hiding them, I turned to face her knowing she would be crying as well. I patted the sofa next to me, and she walked around to sit.

"You were screaming, Edward. I was terrified that someone had broken in here at first, but when I peeked out I saw you thrashing around in your sleep. What happened in your dream?"

I scrubbed my hand across my eyes and took a deep breath before starting. "I woke up in the meadow I told you about at my uncle's place. I saw a little boy chasing a butterfly. At first I thought it was me because of the hair, but then he turned toward me and your eyes were staring at me from my face. I didn't want to admit it at first, but it was our child. Our son… and he was beautiful."

A sob wracked her tiny body and before I could remember all of the reasons why I no longer had the right to comfort her, I pulled her into my arms for a hug. She allowed me to hold her for a moment before wiggling out of my arms.

"That is exactly what happened in my dream. I was in a field of tall grass and flowers watching our son chase a butterfly. It was so peaceful. I was praying that maybe… after… he would be somewhere that beautiful."

"That isn't where my dream ended. Aro walked into the meadow. He looked evil and twisted. He caught the butterfly and used it to lure our son close enough to grab him, and then he crushed the butterfly and ran into the woods dragging our son with him. I heard him call me daddy before they vanished, he sounded so scared, Bella!"

She turned from me, her body shaking. I could tell she was trying not to let the hysterical sobs take her over, and I felt the same way reliving the moment Aro ran from me with my son in his arms. She took a moment to compose herself and grab a tissue before offering me one.

"Who is Aro?"

"The doctor I called this afternoon."

Anger flashed on her face. "Why would you be scared of this doctor? You're the one who is insisting on this! You're the one who would rather kill this child than let an infertile couple adopt it, for God's sake!"

"Because I didn't want him to be hurt or scared, OK? Look, I said and did a lot of really stupid and hurtful things this afternoon because I was freaking the fuck out. I didn't mean anything I said. I know you're not anything like Leah. Jesus Bella… I know you wouldn't use a baby for financial gain! When I said you weren't the first one to try, I didn't mean any of my exes… but Jake and Dad have both had mistresses and girlfriends over the years that have tried to! I've had it pounded into my head for the last 10 years not to trust a woman with a positive pregnancy test, but I knew better even while I was saying all of those horrible things to you! I'm sorry. I know that won't ever be enough, but I am sorry."

"If you mean that, let me go. I was serious about signing whatever your lawyers need so they feel your family is covered. I'll stay at Alice's until all of the legal stuff is dealt with, then I'll go home to Washington. Hell, I'll even send you a picture occasionally if you want."

I knew it was too late for us, but the hope in her voice when she spoke of leaving Chicago almost killed me. "I don't want you to go to Washington. I love you and I want to try to fix this… to fix _us_. Please?"

"I don't know if this can be fixed. I love you too, Edward… but I can't just forget all of the hideous things you've said to me today. I don't trust you after all of the manipulation and coercion you used on me, and I don't know if you can fix that either."

"Give me a chance. Sit here and talk to me until Alice, Jasper, and Garrett can come to help you with your things. Stay with Alice so you can keep going to school and I will take care of finding you a really good doctor." She looked up at me, ready to say something, but I was pretty sure I already knew what. "Not Aro, and not anybody from his office, I swear it."

"I don't know, Edward. It all sounds great right now, but what about when your parents start freaking out and telling you what a gold digger I am and demanding you get rid of me?"

I chuckled at the thought of the royal conniption fit my family would throw, but I didn't care anymore. "I'll handle my family; don't worry about them, OK?"

She still had a doubtful look on her face, but the awful deadness was gone from her eyes. I was willing to take any small victory I could get at the moment. If I could just get her to agree to stay in Chicago, I would walk away from this conversation a happy man.

"I know you will need time, and everything will be at your pace. I promise, once you walk out the door with Alice today, I won't contact you until you tell me that you are ready to speak with me. I'll even send the contact information for the doctors to Alice's email if you'd prefer."

A small smile graced her lips. It was the first one I'd seen in over 12 hours and I simultaneously wanted to cry for making her so sad, and thank God that she was at least listening to me right now. The alarm on my cell went off and she immediately froze; a look of hopelessness settling on her face. I quickly silenced it and set the phone aside before asking if she wanted some tea. She smiled again and thanked me, so I told her to go stretch out on the bed and I would bring it to her.

We talked, stretched out on the bed, for another hour before my phone rang. I saw it was Aro's office and I quickly ignored it. Bella looked at the time and then grabbed her own phone to send a text to Alice. She got a response quickly and stepped into the bathroom just as her phone rang. I wanted to give her privacy, so I grabbed some clothes and headed to the guest bathroom for a shower.

I could hear the shower in our room, yes I was still going to refer to it as our room, when I came out so I decided to make some breakfast. Bella definitely needed to eat, and I was crossing my fingers that an offering of food would keep Alice from killing me on sight. Hopefully she wouldn't sit down with her plate and ask Jasper to kill me for her dining entertainment… you just never know with Alice.

I sliced some melon and strawberries up, and was flipping pancakes when the doorbell rang. I slid the last pancake onto the stack and went for the door, making sure to step well back when I opened it so a fist wouldn't be the first thing to greet me. I almost wished for the fist after getting a look at the pixie's evil face. Jasper and his twin brother Garrett stood behind her, ready to restrain her if needed.

I nodded to them, and stepped aside so they could enter. Alice's gaze missed nothing and she immediately sneered at me. "If she hadn't already specifically requested that I not kill you when we spoke this morning food would not be a deterrent, Masen. Are we clear?"

I swallowed nervously. "Crystal. But since she did make that request, why don't you guys go ahead and serve yourselves."

Alice headed for the table and Garrett smirked at me before he followed her. Jasper gave me a very searching look before leaning closer to whisper, "Her bark's worse than her bite, but I wouldn't push my luck any further right now if I were you."

I nodded and he strolled over to take his seat beside Alice. I walked over to the bedroom door. The shower wasn't running and there was no way I was walking in unannounced, even if it was my own bedroom. I knocked softly, "Bella, Alice and the guys are here. I made pancakes."

"I'll be out in a minute."

I walked over to the table and was met with three questioning looks. I served myself and began eating. Alice finally snapped at me, "What. Did. She. Say?"

I smiled, "She'll be out in a minute. Would you like some juice, Alice? I know you don't like coffee."

After what was quite possibly the most awkward meal in the history of awkward meals, we started the process of removing Bella from my life. It hurt like I was being lit on fire, but I stayed calm the entire time. I spoke when spoken to, and stayed silent the rest of the time. I figured that was my safest bet around Alice.

I was just putting the last of Bella's boxes into the back of Garrett's pick up when she stepped over to me. I wanted to hug her, but I was cognizant of the eyes on us. I settled for tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'll have those doctor's names to Alice by Monday, OK?"

"You can send them to me. I couldn't promise Alice would actually pass your message along right now."

"I know. I'll miss you."

"I know. Do you want me to email you updates from my appointments?"

"Please."

She nodded and turned towards her truck where Alice was waiting for her, but after two steps she turned back to me and said, "I'll miss you, too." I smiled and she hopped up into her truck, following Jasper and Garrett out of the parking lot. I walked back into my oppressively silent apartment and suddenly knew exactly how I was going to end the song and what I needed to do before I could email her on Sunday evening.

After a few phone calls and reference checks I decided to send Bella two names of highly respected OB/GYN's known not only for their medical excellence, but also for their caring and compassionate natures: Dr. Carlisle Cullen and Dr. Eleazar Denali. I knew she would be in good hands with either one, but I had a feeling she would end up picking Dr. Cullen.

I walked down to the hobby store on the corner and bought a bunch of colorful paints and a tarp. Once I got back home, I spent the rest of the day locked in my guest room transforming the plain white walls into an exact replica of the meadow. Flowers of every color and description ran riot through the luxurious grass up to the chair rail. Above the rail multitudes of butterflies flitted about. When I was done I took a bunch of pictures and uploaded them to my laptop.

After cleaning up the painting mess and showering, I ate a quick dinner before settling in with my guitar and my notebook again. After about 30 minutes, I finished the song.

_The alarm went off at seven, but we laid in bed till noon._

_And she and I spent the rest of the day, painting butterflies in his room._

_I saw his face he had my eyes, I swear he had your smile… chasin' a butterfly._

_He laughed and skipped and caught it, softly placed it in my hands._

_And said please… He said please don't kill the butterfly. _

_Don't kill the butterfly._

Satisfied with the ending, I plugged in a microphone and recorded the song.

Sunday evening I composed an email for Bella telling her how much I missed her and giving her the contact information for the doctors, as promised. I attached the pictures of what I hoped would be our son's nursery, and the file containing the finished song for her to hear. I hit send after triple checking that everything was perfect, and settled in for the longest wait of my life.

**5 Years Later**

I sat in the long grass of the meadow, enjoying the tranquility. I heard a giggle and looked up. My four year old son Gavin was chasing a butterfly around, laughing as he tried to catch it. His copper curls were bouncing every which way as he skipped and jumped about. The butterfly flitted over to me and landed on my knee. I held up a finger to shush Gavin. He giggled again and shushed me back before creeping closer to look at the insect on my leg, wonder and delight shining in his huge chocolate eyes.

I gently scooped it into my hands so it could go into his bug barn for a closer observation, when I suddenly saw movement ahead of me and to the left. I instinctively tensed, the remnants of the long ago nightmare still lingered. I relaxed immediately when I saw it was Bella, her smile wide and her eyes alight.

"What have we got for the barn this time, Gav?"

"A butterfly, Mama! Daddy catched him for me so I can look at him… but then he has to go back to his friends, right Mama?"

"That's right, baby. Butterflies need to live with their families and friends to be happy."

She winked at me over Gav's head as I carefully put the butterfly into the mesh box and handed it to my son. He looked at it intently for several moments before smiling brightly up at us.

"It's just like the ones you drawed on my bedroom wall, Daddy!"


End file.
